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Chat Jokes please

UsefulIdiot

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Time for some humor. I am not that funny but I will start, please add your own jokes.

Bob finds the one MP in his neighborhood that is still open during the pandemic. There other men there and he has to wait an hour for service. The MPA tells him FS is $200 for HH. Bob protests, but the MPA will not lower the price. Reluctantly Bob agrees and pays the $200 up front. The MPA leaves the room with the cash and comes back a few minutes later to find Bob masturbating furiously. "What hell are you doing" yells the MPA, to which Bob replies "For $200 you ain't getting the easy one!".
 
ok here

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of
how the store operates.

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the value
of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the
Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door
Reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks,
'But I want more.'

So she continues upward.
The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are
Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor Number 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.


PLEASE NOTE:


To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a
New Wives Store just across the street.


The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer.


The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.


is mine
 
another one to make your day

Why Golf Is Better Than Sex

10. A below par performance is considered damn good.

9. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

8. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

7. Foursomes are encouraged.

6. You can still make money doing it as a senior.

5. Three times a day is possible.

4. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

3. If you live in Florida, you can do it almost everyday.

2. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the number one reason why golf is better than sex ..


1. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.
 
Here is what I got
From one lady.
photo_editor_ds_1584581858722.jpg
 
Time for some humor. I am not that funny but I will start, please add your own jokes.

Bob finds the one MP in his neighborhood that is still open during the pandemic. There other men there and he has to wait an hour for service. The MPA tells him FS is $200 for HH. Bob protests, but the MPA will not lower the price. Reluctantly Bob agrees and pays the $200 up front. The MPA leaves the room with the cash and comes back a few minutes later to find Bob masturbating furiously. "What hell are you doing" yells the MPA, to which Bob replies "For $200 you ain't getting the easy one!".
Have shared this before -

Went to an MPA the other day. Asked her if i was the only 1 she'd been with?
She said yes, all the others were 9 or 10's.
Ha Ha and Happy Hunting!
 
One more. No toilet paper needed.

Screenshot_20200319-103147_Facebook.jpg
 
when I first read this I thought it said penis broken
That's the joke there, Dingus


An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye. Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop." The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. "Are you all right?" asks the agent. "No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"
Sent from my SM-G960W using Tapatalk
 
Life is not that bad people. Turn down the volume on the panic machine. How many people do you know that are sick from this? How many people do you know that have died from this thing? Put it all in perspective. You guys have a good life in a good country. I have lived in much worse countries then this during good times. never mind Canada during this time.
 
That's the joke there, Dingus


An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye. Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop." The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. "Are you all right?" asks the agent. "No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"
Sent from my SM-G960W using Tapatalk

Lol. i actually laughed out loud
 
After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my ass still hurts."
 
Some old dude told me he took a Viagara pill once. He ended up with a stiff neck all weekend.
 
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    Vivian & Happy are here today💄~📞Call 📲 Text: (647) 381-2688 💄 Make Your Day Incredibly Delicious 🍑 Our girls provide lots of service options & are Extremely Open-Minded 🤗 We're Open 9am - 2am everyday! Drop in to Unit 26, 10 East Wilmot Street, Richmond Hill.
  38. Bellagio Wellness &Spa:
    💗💗💗 ℍ𝔸ℙℙ𝕐 𝕄𝔸ℝℂℍ 💗💗💗🌟🌟🌟 MARCH 27th , 𝓦𝓔𝓓𝓝𝓔𝓢𝓓𝓐𝓨 🌟🌟🌟 ☎️ (905) 707-6866 🕙🌟🌟🌟Open 10:30-10:00🗺#33-160 East Beaver Creek 🗺 7 Rms 🛏🌟🌟🌟Table Shower(TS)+Massage 2hr $120*,TS & massage 1hr $90, 🌟🌟🌟$40/50/60 for 30/45/60min 🌟🌟🌟Attendants: We have 7️⃣ today 🍀🍀🍀 🌹🆕 LILIAN 🌹🆕 CHERRY 🌹 CECELIA 🌹🆕 SUNNY 🌹🆕 SOPHIE 🌹 🌹ERICA 🌹 LUCY 🍀🍀🍀 NEWSFLASH 🍀🍀🍀 🆕 LILIAN & 🆕 SOPHIE & ERICA & 🆕 SUNNY & CECELIA & 🆕 CHERRY ‘ s BACK 🍀🍀🍀 TODAY 🍀🍀
  39. hiyamickey:
    6 young sexy girls working @ 3555 14th Ave unit #7 Markham, ☎️:905-470-8082
  40. Lulu1980:
    Good afternoon guys😘 Today we have Jessica and Samantha and Jessica here for you🌹🌹🌹, awesome table shower with body slide super enjoyable😘😘😘😍😍5124 Dundas St W Etobicoke ☎️ 416-817-3366
  41. Sparkling Spa:
    ⚡🌟SPARKLING SPA⚡🌟 ✅50 Lockridge Ave Unit 8✅ 👌Markham, ON L3R 8X4👌 ☎️(905) 604-8186 Spa Land Line☎️ ☎️(437) 446-6688 NEW Spa Cell Phone☎️ (West of Warden & 16th Ave) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY 🔥✅NEW MANAGEMENT💯NEW GIRLS🔥SUPERSTAR SERVICE QUEEN ZOE NOW AVAILABLE AT SPARKLING SPA FOR ALL YOUR MASSAGE AND SPECIAL EXTRA NEEDS🔥💯😘🔥❤️👌 🔥SEXY NEW YOUNG GIRLS ALWAYS WORKING - Today’s Schedule is…BLASIAN ALIYAH & SEX GODDESS ZOE
  42. Red Rose Spa:
    🌸 We have 7 hot brown girls today 🌸 MAY, ASHA, MALIYA, SANA, AMANDA, PRIYA, ANAYA, KIRAN 🌸 2588 Birchmount 🌸 2 Invergordon 🌸 647-702-8800 🌸 Please visit for a great erotic massage
  43. SpringGreen.:
    Today we have 5 girls on Tuesday: New polish girl gigi 💋💋Salina- Eurasian beauty and breast lovers delight with nice rear with fun Mika - Japanese beauty who is wild and a fan favorite with exceptional service Candy - a sweet treat who enjoys her cream filled lollipop treats buny...
  44. bnwellness_wilson:
    Blue Nile Wellness Center, we have young 4 beautiful girls are working today , sweet new girl Amy and pretty GFE Ella, cute open mind Lina and friendly Coco are providing deep tissue and sensual massage, pls call 416-3985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome, back entrance and parking available, 350 Wilson Ave North York
  45. Moneylee:
    All season wellness center : Young girl Big-breasted big Big boobs big butts Cindy , Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Lulu,Student big boobs buttocks Vicky, Enchanting sexy petite deep massageSherry ,🏠 address: #5-30 Rambler dr Brampton ,Ontario L6W 1E2☎️4376655510 👄👄🦵🦵🈵🈵👅👅
  46. Moneylee:
    full season wellness center: NewYoung girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament Mimi , Young girl big boobs beautiful face deep massage Bobo ,Young beautiful face sexy body and good deep massage star ,Young girl Big breasted saucy naughty Ella,Enchanting sexy petite deep massage Mary. 🏠 2560 Shepard ave Mississauga unit 1 ☎️ 4379857899 👄👄🦵🦵🈵🈵👅👅
  47. Peony Garden Spa:
    🌸3 GIRLS AVAILABLE TODAY 🌸 NEW GIRL SELINA: A TALL SLENDER YOUNG ASIAN GIRL, VERY NICE ASSETS AND VERY SERVICE ORIENTED WHILE ALSO ABLE TO PROVIDE AN RMT LIKE MASSAGE 🌸 DAISY: A PETITE CURVY ASIAN GIRL THAT IS VERY FRIENDLY AND NOT TIP HUNGRY 🌸 JENNY: A TALL AND SLIM KOREAN GIRL THAT IS A TOTAL SERVICE QUEEN 🌸 PEONY GARDEN SPA 🌸 3477 KENNEDY ROAD UNIT 4 🌸 (416) 335-6093 🌸
  48. Annie Spa:
    🎉🍒ANNIE SPA🎉🍒 ✅7-1001 SANDHURST CIRCLE✅ 👌SCARBOROUGH ON M1V 1Z6👌 ☎️(416) 291-8879☎️ (FINCH & MCCOWAN) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY 🔥✅NEW MANAGEMENT💯NEW GIRLS🔥🔥 🔥GORGEOUS NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS - TODAY’s ROSTER INCLUDES: 🔥 Summer😘, a very feminine woman, very sexy, affable and nice looking woman. Professional RMT Massage and provides great massages and incredible service. Must try the service of summer. Angel 💕 Very beautiful girl from Taiwan, very curvy, young and sexy
  49. Endless Joy Spa:
    ✨✨✨✨✨[GRAND OPENING]✨✨✨✨✨ 💞Endless Joy Spa💞 🎇 (155 East Beaver Creek Rd Unit #8, Richmond Hill) 416-731-8565🎇Young Sexy Chinese Jessica, Slim Chinese Lisa
  50. HolidaySpa:
    Tuesday at 🌴😎🌅𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓲𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓢𝓹𝓪🌅😎🌴3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough ☎️𝟰𝟯𝟳-𝟮𝟰𝟳-𝟭𝟭𝟵𝟵☎️: Eva & Helen. Eva is young, slim, innocent & demure looks, but don’t let her innocent looks deceive. She can massage & service very well. Helen is a sweet and very lovable Asian beauty with just enough curves to tease you, and an attitude to please you.
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