Chat Jokes please

[UsefulIdiot]

Time for some humor. I am not that funny but I will start, please add your own jokes.

Bob finds the one MP in his neighborhood that is still open during the pandemic. There other men there and he has to wait an hour for service. The MPA tells him FS is $200 for HH. Bob protests, but the MPA will not lower the price. Reluctantly Bob agrees and pays the $200 up front. The MPA leaves the room with the cash and comes back a few minutes later to find Bob masturbating furiously. "What hell are you doing" yells the MPA, to which Bob replies "For $200 you ain't getting the easy one!".

 

[loves to lick]

ok here

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door Reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'But I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.​

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor Number 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a
New Wives Store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer.​

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.


is mine

 

[admin]

 

[TheKWguy]

I was in stiches from that one

 

[loves to lick]

we need something to laugh about right now, great suggestion by the OP

 

[loves to lick]

another one to make your day

Why Golf Is Better Than Sex

10. A below par performance is considered damn good.

9. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

8. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

7. Foursomes are encouraged.

6. You can still make money doing it as a senior.

5. Three times a day is possible.

4. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

3. If you live in Florida, you can do it almost everyday.

2. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the number one reason why golf is better than sex ..

1. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.

 

[TheKWguy]

I dont golf. My stick and balls are handled by lovely ladies at $160 hh

 

[admin]

 

[loves to lick]

when I first read this I thought it said penis broken

 

[krayjee]

Here is what I got
From one lady.

 

[cali99]

Time for some humor. I am not that funny but I will start, please add your own jokes.

Bob finds the one MP in his neighborhood that is still open during the pandemic. There other men there and he has to wait an hour for service. The MPA tells him FS is $200 for HH. Bob protests, but the MPA will not lower the price. Reluctantly Bob agrees and pays the $200 up front. The MPA leaves the room with the cash and comes back a few minutes later to find Bob masturbating furiously. "What hell are you doing" yells the MPA, to which Bob replies "For $200 you ain't getting the easy one!".

Have shared this before -

Went to an MPA the other day. Asked her if i was the only 1 she'd been with?
She said yes, all the others were 9 or 10's.
Ha Ha and Happy Hunting!

 

[krayjee]

One more. No toilet paper needed.

 

[northofgta]

when I first read this I thought it said penis broken

That's the joke there, Dingus


An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye. Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop." The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. "Are you all right?" asks the agent. "No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"
Sent from my SM-G960W using Tapatalk

 

[OG_funguy]

One more. No toilet paper needed.

View attachment 112082

That's cool...I need one of those.

 

[admin]

 

[UsefulIdiot]

Some of these are good

 

[therealcole]

Life is not that bad people. Turn down the volume on the panic machine. How many people do you know that are sick from this? How many people do you know that have died from this thing? Put it all in perspective. You guys have a good life in a good country. I have lived in much worse countries then this during good times. never mind Canada during this time.

 

[johnbuyba]

That's the joke there, Dingus


An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye. Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop." The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. "Are you all right?" asks the agent. "No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"
Sent from my SM-G960W using Tapatalk

Lol. i actually laughed out loud

 

[johnbuyba]

After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my ass still hurts."

 

[snoopdoggie]

Some old dude told me he took a Viagara pill once. He ended up with a stiff neck all weekend.