Confession

[lollipopsucker]

I have been reading massageplanet.net for two years and hobbying for ten. The first location I attended was at 204 Spadina. The first mpa I ever saw was named Wendy. I have been in a relationship for 7 years. I have had two years of therapy, one two year affair, and I have managed to keep this all secret from my common law(2 years) wife. I have spent over $30,000 on an approximately once a week habit and I truly wonder if I'll ever be able to give it up. A fellow hobbyist(single at 44 and won't marry...regular escort) simply sees this approach to relationships as a viable alternative. I am always hoping to give up the hobby but the longest I've gone was a year but I was having an affair at the time. Because I am always tempted by other women I am prone to impulse. Having an affair was far more taxing in terms of time and energy than seeing an mpa. I am wondering if there is no end to the temptation and the best solution is an mpa versus the maddening quality of endless urges or the increased difficulty of having an affair. Reading massageplanet.net leads me to believe a genuine alternative philosophy regarding relationships is evolving...for men.

 

[jflmt]

Wow......Pretty heavy man!

 

[Amaranth]

His story is probably pretty common for a lot of massageplanet.netites.

 

[Dr. N. Das]

If you spent $30,000 over 10 years you are not over spending in my opinion. My belief is yes, hobbying can be a viable alternative to having relationships for some guys. Let's face it, if you have a relationship with the wrong woman, it can be a very expensive experience financially (30 grand could be a drop in the bucket) to say nothing about the mental cost which can be even higher. Everyone has their own way to live their life, hopefully they can live it on your own terms within reason. The makeup of each of us is very different, if you believe that a monogamas relationship is not for you, then you owe it to yourself to be happy. Life is too short to do otherwise. From what little I know, you only live once, so be happy in how you experience it.

 

[Bee]

interesting thread.

whitestrip, if you're still monitoring it, could you clarify if you're talking about a common law wife of more than 2 years? Looks like a typo.

Not that it matters enormously, but "keeping" all of this from a 2-yr s.o. isn't really all that challenging, and it does lend a different light to your story.

Or have you been with her 7 years, common law married for 2?

 

[njss]

We have been dating for seven years. Of those seven years we have been living together for two years. I told her that I was seeing a psychiatrist regarding my relationship issues and she accepted that premise as I assured her that resolutions with the doctor would help our relationship. The Dr. and I dealt with all kinds of sexual obsessions but we resolved only the potential risks and consequences of pursuing a relationship with a teen girl. I did not have any sexual relations or kissing even, but the temptation and mutual attraction were there. What relations meant to me and what they mean to a teen girl are very different. I let her know that I was having trouble with my resolve and that I was seeing a Dr. That was 4 years ago.(btw the girl and I are still friends) I stopped seeing the Dr. approximately two years ago and began an affair with a consenting adult. The point here is that there is always something else. Substitute an mpa for poor relationship experiences. Substitute the thrill and taboo of a potential relationship with a teen for the mpa. Substitute the affair... sigh... you get it. Are long term hobbyists sexual addicts? Hedonists? Something else? Maybe I'm at the end of my rope or trying to accept duality...duplicity... I genuinely find the advice of massageplanet.net members valuable as I'm sure many are married or in relationships.

 

[gretcho]

I must add that I love my wife and I am happy with her, but I also love the mpas for a little while and I am happy with the endless 'hers'.

 

[OvantamnHap]

Great thread. Nice to read...

I personally enjoy occasional hobbying from the simple point of view that I accept that nothing is perfect and will never be. I hope that ties into your angst regarding trying to find fulfillment in your life. Expecting otherwise is only creates selfish expectations of others and is self-deceiving. Sometimes that is frustrating, I know. I know in my case the underlying theme is always attempting to feel completely loved by another but I have reconciled that with the concept that one must love themselves first in order to be loved. I would suggest at least try to take a softer approach on yourself and just do what makes you happy. If that takes the combination of all three or more activities, so be it. You only live once, live it happy.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Just running the $30,000 over 10 year figure through my head it seems to work out to about $60 every single week.

That's about the same as a pack and a half a day cigarette habit.

If it's within your budget it isn't excessive.

 

[Mafia]

and drink beer otherwise this conv. is useless i am sorry

 

[cannot_remember_chit]

Not just for men. Women with options: their pool guys, masseur, hair stylists, or garden help.

 

[veggiegirl777]

fellow massageplanet.netites,

usually, i'm just like to read the reviews, but this post really stuck out...this is a classic case of having your cake, eating it and then wanting to lick every last bit of icing off the fork...i mean, i consider myself very open-minded, have enjoyed some limited "hobbying" but where is the remotest evidence of self-control here. it must be great enlightening yourself pondering "genuine alternative philosophies" for men while your common law wife sits in the dark ages about your "hobby." otherwise what? she'd do what any other woman with a shred of self-respect would do and kick you out for selling her the biggest snake-oil of a relationship ever? then what? my guess is you'd be complaining about how lonely you were and how your "emotional" needs just weren't getting met. how you needed some warmth and stability in your life. don't get me wrong, i have impulses to and i'd like to hobby until my bank account dried up - literally, but - as a human, i also have the gift of considering how my decisions would affect my partner and the ability to weigh the consequences of my decisions and actions. am i just an amateur here or should "whitestrip" and other "career-hobbyists" consider how they might feel if their girlfriends, common-laws, and wives confessed similar sins to them. my guess is, once the veil of "not my wife" was lifted, they would handle it worse than most.

p.s. life is short not selfish

 

[Lynzeigh]

Like anythihg else, this so-called 'Hobbying' ( ! - as though we are in the same class as cabinet-making or knitting!) is a matter of trade-offs.

From the financial point of view, a few months ago I realized that perhaps I was letting it get a bit out of control - after all, we all have enough urges to go every day if we were able. So I kind of decided to put a bit more of a limit on things. Truly addictive / out of control vices can wreak a terrible toll. So I decided to more or less put a cap on most of it. I like to see Nikki2, so I now more or less book with her once a month. I try to book well in advance, so that I have something to look forward to as I 'hold off' in the meantime. I've had so many rotten other experiences that I don't look elsewhere much any more. I might suggest you try booking an appontment a few weeks in advance if you are finding the frequency getting too high.

As for relationships, it depends what you have versus what you are lacking. If you have companionship with your current partner, but the sex doesn't exist or doesn't do it for you, then really, an MPA is perfect, because it is so focussed on the sex.

 

[CanineTruth]

Great thread!

Morality. Who would have thought this forum would have a discussion of the morality of sporting or prostiution or hobbying or whatever cute moniker you want to put on the act.
I think any man in a committed relationship who decides to stray has to consider the possible consequences. Think of how bad things would be if your secret was discovered. On the other hand, part of the thrill is the secrecy so we may give only short attention to the possiblity of being caught. As a matter of fact, any man in this situation must think he won't get caught otherwise why do it.
Is it morally correct? Of course not. No way around it.
Can you live with yourself while behaving immorally? Only you can know that.
As far as what you get from an "outside" encounter (SP, MPA, affair,etc) I think it's probably not healthy to think that you're getting anything other than sex. That's it. Any other consideration is bound to be erroneous and you'll be disappointed when you find that out.

 

[mai9613]

Great discussions!!
I am sure many readers here can relate to at least some aspects of what WS is struggling with. Doing what is morality right and chasing perpetually the thrill of living dangerously (more like the thrill of connecting with women outside of the relationship than merely sex) is on a head-on collision course here. Even if his SO did not find out, he still has to live with the guilt. The fact that he seeked professional help suggests that perhaps he still value the present relationship more. WS may well have come to a point of making some tough decisions, making his choice - at least he has some goal to work towards. No doubt, it is easier said than done and it certainly takes a lot of courage. But otherwise, the current situation will simply perpetuate itself. I wonder if "good luck" is the proper thing to say.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Well I've been enjoying a summer of indulgence... I have had more fs with my favourite mpa this summer than in all my hobbying put together. I am trying to cure myself of the aforementioned affair. I believe it has worked. What it would take to participate in the affair no longer seems worth the trouble. All the fs has satisfied me to the point where I can't stand having to pay for it anymore. The bigger problem is all that fs lead the mpa to give a gift from her vacation and a photo of herself. I have been seeing her for a year and she has been become interested in me beyond the business...lucky me. I really do feel fortunate for all the care and attention she has given me, but these overt gestures are sweet and sad. I guess she assumes I'm single(we all claim single right?)...anyway that is too much to take. She is young enough and nice enough to find a real boyfriend and that she may be trying to choose me(or a very convincing way of keeping me as a client) is too much. Business I can understand but...I feel bad if she's percieving things differently and it's hard to enjoy the service if there are too many relationship components entering the situation . I told her I get very busy after August so as to kind of indicate I won't be around as much. I don't know where to go from here.... my ten year hobbying anniversary comes up in November and I guess I hope that's the end of it...

 

[TrishARoo]

Very much agree. However, even though there may be the desire (presumably for the good of both youself and her), there may be many motivating forces, success is not a default if there is no strategy. What to do with the extra time/money, the void when the thrill is removed, the relapse etc. That said, impossible is nothing. Good luck WS.

 

[generaljackass]

I think the hobby does become dangerous when you look to it as a substitute for other relationships. I'm married and have been hobbying for many years. I consider myself an occasional hobbyist (approximately once a month) but have indulged more frequently at times and then had to pull back. I think of my hobbying as being a supplement to a very happy marriage and is purely about enjoying different sexual experiences. I share Whitestrip's concerns, because I often tell myself that I could quit cold turkey if I wanted to, but suspect that I probably couldn't. I think as long as you can live with yourself and accept the risks (incuding the risk of getting caught) there's nothing wrong with it. When it begins to interfere with other relationships, emotionally or financially, I think you should stop, even if it takes professional help to do so. For me right now, I'm content to just try to keep things under control. It's kind of weird since I can't imagine the thought of hobbying forever, yet also can't imagine stopping. I probably should get help one day. Has anyone else gone for professional help, specifically to get help kicking this habit and, if so, has it worked?

 

[Pompal 09.]

Easy my friend. We do think about how our "hobby" could affect or wives, kids, jobs and friendships.
But come on, I would suggest that even you hve some dark part of your personality that even though you may not be "proud" of it, it still brings you some fun/fullfilment.
Just back off the guy,ok. I thought like you once. I never considered cheating.
Then the challenges of life get in the way...and oooops, you fall down: you fail.
While I think we all hobby for various reasons..the truth is we all hobby.
So cut the guy some slack. He may be ( and sound like) he wrestles with a similar demon that I do.

 

[Magyver]

i feel that money spent on things you enjoy is money well spent , i also feel that every thing you get or do in life costs you something , either time , effort , stress,or money , heck anyone that has a wife or gf pays one way or another... its all about what you are willing to pay and what the reward is ... life is short so enjoy