Confession

[#1 Due 12/19: BOY]

The only thing I could say is make sure your SO does not find out.
You will have a very difficult time to give it up, but I do hope you can come to terms with it.I use to have a bf who is a hobbyist and I can assure you he will never stop. I even know about it (obviously), I know his handle(both of them),and I wish I never found out!

 

[mo2k7us]

Whitestrip ease up on yourself. This is a dilemma men and women face, to stray and play. Whether it be at work, a neighbour or someone you just happen to meet, there will always be the opportunity. It's all in the decisions we are willing to live with. You like myself were willing to take those risks, but as time passes in our lives and in our respective relationships we begin to question those decisions more and more and the people it affects. I myself have decided (for now and hopefully forever) to not stray but I struggle with that everyday. With flirty girls at work and in our condo, but the thought of hurting my SO would kill me. I know she must get many opportunites to cheat,
from guys at the gym and when she goes out with the girls, but in the end she comes home to me. That love and trust she gives me makes me want to prove I'm worthy of it. Just my opinion, from someone who had been in a similar situation. Temptation will never go away but maybe the decisions you make will change. So ease up on yourself.

 

[infidel]

My mother in law gave me advice (little did I know at that time how I would have use for it) at time of marriage: What a person does not know will not hurt him/her. Obviously it was given in a different context.

My SO does not know ( I think)...well, if she knows, and I dont know that she knows, it does not affect me. I sell that logic to myself.

I think we are where we are as thats where we want to be.

Above crap aside, life is to be enjoyed when one can, within limits. I dont want to turn older and bitter at the same time. Gotta go, need to call Platinum.

 

[lin]

how can that sound so wrong and so right at the same time?

 

[Pompal 09.]

dear hobbyists,

to follow-up my earlier post - love all the opinions by the way, i think the heavy-handedness of my initial response to whitestrip was because of the length of his so-called "hobby." I realize everyone is tempted all the time and I understand "slip-ups" - like hobby, another euphemism for CHEATING

 

[Tita]

CHEATING, happen from time to time. I too am guilty of letting my guard down and cheating - mpa or otherwise, on my SO. But, not only do I feel guilty about it and attempt to make karmic amends, I also don't continue the relationship. I also, since i'm avoiding using fee-good words, don't continue the AFFAIR, for months or year(s) on end. I must agree with sweetm that after a certain amount of variety, endless mpa visits become kind of selfish. i mean, i hate to be the canary in the mine, but are the consequences of your SO finding out really worth the 30, maybe 60 minute rush of adrenaline? Maybe it is worth deceiving the person who would probably back you the most. Maybe not. But again, my guess is none of us would feel the same if we found out your SO was visiting a female equivalent of a mpa - if one existed. I don't have a problem with single guys hobbying or guys slipping up, but I do have a problem with guys justifying their indulgence by saying it makes them better partners and all that B.S. I mean, if whitestrip truly wanted to be cutting edge he'd have the balls to ask his SO to try swinging.

 

[Christine]

I believe getting professional help is important as the best insights I derived from therapy regarded self destructive behaviour and understanding consequnces for actions. Part of the difficulty in processing my sexual activities is that I no longer believe that I have to share everything with my SO. By sharing with the Dr. he basically drove me to make descisions based on what is amoral versus what is immmoral as reflected upon both personal values and the social contract. I believe these are very complex issues and I had tried with friends and family to resolve them but the opinions are softened by care and acceptance and that creates another needy cycle... The Dr. was never judgemental so his objectivity allowed me to gain insight into my motivations and how I rationalized them. Once we sorted out some of the obvious self destructive components(bbbj, bbfs, society's view,telling the SO) I was able to achieve some peace. Knowing that if I took health precautions I was taking responsibility for my actions helped reduce the feelings of guilt regarding the possible consequences. It doesn't sound like much but it was a big step for me..not much but a significant positive regarding our MUTUAL health. Putting the SO's health at risk is unacceptable no matter how good it feels. I Know every massageplanet.net member has a story. The beauty of this site is that we are all involved and we can talk here thus taking away much of the paralyzing taboo which fueled my desire in the past. I am truly thankful that a site like this exists.. it represents the type of dialogue and understanding I might have hoped for from that magical, mystical, ideal SO I believed in in the past... but this is a MAN'S disscussion for MEN and I don't think women will ever truly understand.

 

[Ashley H]

OK friend. Good post.
I think the hobby is the lesser of two evils (Hobby vs an Affair)
Ask my wife about swinging. Sure.
"Well dear we should try to spice up our love life by swinging"
"Are You out of your Mind, you old Horn dog. There's more to life than sex"

 

[Christ alone]

Do you have to hang your testicles at the door to participate in this thread?

 

[Carl Fredrickson]

well, seems like this thread is withering...just wanted to say that i sympathize with those struggling over the committment to SO vs. monogomous boredom...i still hobby once in a while, but i'm currently without a significant SO so i don't struggle with any guilt...i'm not sure i could handle another guy getting it on with my wife, but i'd like to think that when i do find mrs. right, she might also be mrs. expand the boundaries of monogomy together...this, of course, may reveal my "green-ness" to what a real marriage ends up being - or should i say most marriages, but ideally, i'd like to find a girl who's, at least, curious about the swing thing...now, wouldn't that be something - a "real" connection, and the potential of some hot action.

sounds good in theory,

g unit

 

[E-Man]

I know this thread is done but I may as well say one bit of practical advice... if you've seen your favourite mpa and the scent of their perfume or whatever is still on you even after a shower, I have found nothing covers their aroma better than your own b.o. What I do is dig deep in my armpits and wipe the smell of my deodorant plus sweat around my neck and ears... that way when I come home and hug the wife she takes a whiff and says 'you need a shower'. Kind of gross but better than being asked "why do you smell like perfume!!"

 

[daisyr]

The problem with all of us here is we think more with our dicks than our heads. Its a fun problem to have, but we quickly become conditioned into a reflex of - im bored, i have some money, ooo MP ! or I'm horny, I have some money, I want fantasy, ooo MP !

and because its intimate, the contitioning is strong and so we fall into the depths of this MP underworld - and we believe its fun and we believe we are happy, but all we really are is conditioned and wrapped around the industry's pinky.

good thing i retired.

 

[Dewi]

sorry, i was going to leave this threat with my last post.

however....i need to comment on Whitestrip's advice.

Whitestrip - while clever and inventive, i almost find your advice more disgusting than your career hobbying.

g

 

[twinmommy]

LOL

That's about it.

 

[hil30]

10 bucks says your shrink is a hobbyist and is reading your thread right now thinking, hmmm, that sounds like Bob....

 

[CaptainFreon]

Jesus, gunit. Could you please learn to use CAPITALS at the beginning of a sentence? Perhaps you could think more clearly and lighten up a bit if you could write English properly.

 

[MissTee]

whitestrip,
If you've been doing what you do for as long as you do and haven't got caught yet - You're not about to give it up just like that. You obviosly love what you do maybe more than you SO even, and just face the fact that you are good at what you do. I always tell myself that keeping this as secrective as we do for such a long time and no one knowing about it is more of an art than anything and the excitement of getting caught is sometimes even more exciting than the deed itself. This "Hobby" is more addictive than smoking or drugs (I know because I know!)!

 

[casi]

After hearing everyone's story, you realize you're not alone. Not only am I disturbed by my length of time at this, 16 years. But also the sheer volume. As I get older, the memory fades. I have been trying to compile a list so I can get a handle on this. I suspect I'm at least 100 woman of various services from quick handjob to cim blows to full service. Man o man. There's got to be someone wrong with that

 

[mauveme49]

This thread isn't over until it's over.

Why do some of you guys keep beating yourself up? In somes cases not all men were meant to have wives or long term girlfriends although the thought is more tantalizing than the reality. But almost all men need sex. Some men need variety, it is part of who they are as that unique person. Men I think were never created to be monogamous, it is just the pressure of society that forced us to believe we should be, but is counter to our basic instinct. Most men, over their lifetime, have had one or more sexual encounters outside of any relationship with a wife or girlfriend, seems to me. It is as natural as getting up in the morning. Knowing that, it is important how they deal with this fact. Men are going to have sex outside of marriage, how they deal with it with their wife or girlfriend, is really the question if they want to stay with them. Generally we think, we will go the "what she doesn't know won't hurt either of us" route, which seems the most sane way of handling who we are, and keeping our existing relationships intact. To try to deny who we are, or try to force ourselves to be something we are not, I think is a fools paradise. The result will be less than a satisfying life.

 

[~?~Freebird~?~]

Not that I don't totally agree with you, BUT, try telling that rationalization to your wife or girlfriend.

Very few would be so understanding.