Artemis FKK

[ybird100]

Well, I have finally had the Artemis experience after reading about it for such a long time and all I can say is thank god I live far away in Asia because if I lived anywhere near Berlin, I'd soon end up bankrupt visiting this place every weekend!!

I'm writing this review with all the details Reviewom scratch for the benefit of anyone new to Berlin or new to the Artemis experience.

Arrived around 4.30pm on a Saturday after a day of sightseeing (magnificent as the Brandenburg Tor and the Reichseforum.xxx were, the sights on display at Artemis proved to be the highlight of the day by some distance…). Grabbed a taxi Reviewom Potsdamer Platz - the driver knew where Artemis was and the journey cost around EUR 14. Very Reviewiendly girl on reception, clocked me as a newbie as soon as I walked in and patiently explained the set-up to me: you pay your EUR 80 entrance fee, and receive a key that works on both your locker in the changing room as well as a small safe just off the reception. Clothes etc go in the locker, money goes in the safe.

Included in the admission fee: showers, robes, towels and slippers; soft drinks and food; use of the gym (I wouldn't have believed anyone actually would, but lo and behold there was indeed some enthusiastic chap pedalling away on an exercise bike), sauna and swimming pool.

Sex is not included and runs to EUR 60 for a half-hour with the girl of your choice (more on this below), which includes FK, BBBJ, DATY and sex in several positions. Everything else is extra and negotiable with the girl. CIM/COF/COB is EUR 60; A-Levels EUR 100; extending the session to one hour EUR 120. The girls are pretty honest about what's included and what's extra and you are unlikely to get scammed, although YMMV in as far as the standard of service Reviewom girl to girl.

Spacious and clean change-room facilities (but, being a very private person, I was a little uncomfortable with the communal showers and the amount of bratwurst on display…). The change-room leads through to the main lounge, which resembles the interior of a large upscale nightclub complete with techno music played by a resident DJ. The bar serves Reviewee soft drinks as well as pricey alcohol - at EUR 10 for a beer, not really the venue to be drinking in. The atmosphere is chilled, with plenty of comfy banquettes to relax in - the footstools were a nice touch. Smoking is permitted in the upstair lounge (though not in the downstair bar, nor in the gym, sauna or pool areas).

I was quite nervous at first, so I thought I’d just sit there for a while and take in the goings-on. There were quite a few guys already in, most in buddy-groups with a few singletons like me here and there, but the numbers started increasing to horde-like proportions by the time I decided to leave – around 7.30pm. The atmosphere was very relaxed – I felt perfectly comfortable sitting there with my feet up, smoking a cigarette and taking in the acres of gorgeous naked female flesh strolling about in nowt but a pair of high-heels and the occasional sexy waist-chain or garter-belt.

It truly was a cornucopia of delight for the eye: blonde girls, black girls, brown girls, oriental girls, tall, short, tanned, pale, long-legged, big-titted, medium-titted, tiny-titted…the smorgasbord of international pulchritude was almost overwhelming!

I was just plucking up the courage to go and say hello to someone, when my first companion of the evening decided to take the initiative and come talk to me. Her name was Iris and she was Reviewom Romania – tall, tanned, nice legs, attractive features, bottle-blonde hair, plastic tits (which was the only minus for me). She’s worked at Artemis for a couple of years and spotted me as a nervous newbie, which was a good thing because it broke the ice, making me feel a lot more confident after opening my innings and getting a feel for the modus operandi of the house. I opted for the straight EUR 60 session with her as this was my Artemis-cherry-pop. Nice sloppy BBBJ – I asked her to go slow and slurpy and she cheerfully obliged. Sex in CG, Doggie and finished in Mish with her ankles around my ears. Nice chat and a bit of a laugh afterwards before heading back downstairs. Parted with a kiss – a very pleasant opener indeed.

So, the way it works: if you see a girl you like just go up and say hi, have a bit of a chat and, if you wish, head off to one of the rooms up the stairs. The keys to vacant rooms are left on a desk and the girl just grabs one as you go past. Once in the room you discuss whether you want the standard service or something extra, agree the price and away you go. Once you finish, you head down to the safe with the girl, retrieve your cash, pay her, put the wallet back in the safe and head back to the lounge, pool, etc to recuperate before embarking on the next round.

Round two for me was with Yolanda, a 5’ 10” leggy black girl of mixed Jamaican and Somalian extraction with small, natural tits, a warm, Reviewiendly personality and a lovely smile. She approached me as I sat by the bar smoking a post-Iris Gauloises Blondes and chatted me up with the practiced aplomb of a five-year veteran of the house. When I said I was interested but wanted to hang out for a bit longer, she said no problem and true to her word came and found me about a half-hour later. I do wish Yolanda had been my first encounter of the evening, as she spoke excellent English and really took time to explain the ropes to me – what’s included, what’s not etc. I think she decided to take me under her wing somewhat as she had assumed I was an early-twenty-something naïve young lad (I actually do look a lot younger than I am), which was no bad thing because I learned quite a bit about how to operate at Artemis. She was genuinely shocked when I disabused her of her assumption and told her I was 39 – we had a good laugh about it and the sex ended up being all the better for our having built some rapport – as I found with my third and last session of the evening, the downside of Artemis is that the encounter can end up being quite mechanical if you pick someone with whom you have no chemistry…

I’ve never had anal sex with a black girl and Yolanda had a lovely arse, so I was quite keen on the extras. I don’t think she was though as she quoted EUR 150 for A-Levels (she wasn’t trying it on – she was honest enough to tell me that the normal rate is EUR 100 but she charges more). I got the hint and didn’t pursue the matter but I did splash out (pardon the pun) an extra EUR 60 to bust my nut all over her face… Sueforum.xxx BBBJ, tasty DATY and enthusiastic CG, Reverse CG, Doggie and Mish with those long legs of hers up on my shoulders. Sweet kiss as she left me by the door to the change-rooms. Excellent session, the best of the evening.

After two good rounds, I made my first schoolboy error of the evening. I had earlier seen a really toothsome little corkscrew-curled blonde and had set my sights on her for my final punt of the day. When she didn’t reappear for a while, rather than going off with the lovely nose-ringed, dark-haired Hungarian girl who sat with me for a long chat, I decided to hold out for the curly-mop and she never turned up. Of course, I lost the Hungarian thereafter as well...

The second schoolboy error I made was not booking in this absolute corker of a black girl I had seen previously as I subsequently passed by her on the landing on my way to the loo. I thought she’d still be there when I came out, but she wasn’t: I really should have stopped earlier and asked her to wait a couple of minutes for me to come back out. Couldn't find her again, either...

The third schoolboy error was driven largely by the fact that nearly three hours had gone by since I entered the club, I'd lost three birds I'd fancied, I had to head off for a dinner appointment and I wanted a third shot before I left. I had seen a pretty little blonde with tiny tits on a slim coltish Reviewame – right up my alley – and when she passed by, I tapped her on the shoulder and without any real preamble agreed to go to a room with her. I should have trusted my instincts, as she was quite hard-faced close up and I didn’t feel much of a connection, circumstances under which I’d normally have bailed out. Her name was Varna Reviewom Bulgaria and she turned out to be very much the mechanical go-through-the-motions-type that I had instinctively pegged her for when I said hello. The BBBJ was a bit of a cheese-grater jobbie too and she didn’t speak enough English – nor I German – for me to get the message across to her to mind her teeth. She offered anal sex, which I agreed to thinking it would liven things up a bit but she launched into a routine of fake-moaning and corny "give it to me baby" patter that completely put me off and ended up giving me a headache. I decided to cut my losses and had her jerk me off just to get it over with. Of course, true to sod’s law, she turned into a smiley, perky, bright little ray of sunshine as soon as I’d come but it was a bit too late by then…

Je ne regrette rien, though. All-in-all it was a super first foray into Artemis, which is just about as brilliant an establishment as can be, and I learned a few valuable lessons that will hold me in good stead on my next visit.

I headed back to town on the S-Bahn Reviewom Westkreuz Station, which was a breeze to find after viewing Angus’s thoughtful and most useful video on how to get to Artemis.

Will I return? Hell, yes - and often!