Joke

[U R Sofa King]

DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: “It’s so painful, I’ll rather have a baby
than have a tooth removed.”
Dentist: “Make up your mind soon, I’ll adjust the chair accordingly.”

 

[Camille]

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sي."
"Ja."

 

[Gumdrops &Lolipops]

: good joke :clap:

 

[Geek]

AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.”
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...”YES! YES! I WON, I WON!”
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?”

The other answered, “I don't know - I thought you were watching.”

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all men... are men.

 

[noitall]

LMFAO!!!

that was great

 

[rissy d]

How much coke did charlie sheen snort? Enough to kill 2 and a half man.

 

[Danny K]

Where do women have the curliest hair? ....

Fiji.

 

[marco l]

Made me laugh so much xD

 

[wildflower333]

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

: ::

 

[Pompal 09.]

She's such a ***** that her favorite sport to play is Le Crotch. Lmao...jk That was horrible...see what happens when i just think of something off the top of my head? Awful awful awful.

 

[knedvuvfixnichejb]

LOL... Funny joke and I love your siggy.

 

[trying to be cool]

Where do you get these jokes?

 

[vvewyuehidcilgexm]

LOL! Nice joke!
I remember my friend telling me that one awhile ago.

 

[Wish I was boredDude]

I liked them all.

 

[Douglasodobida]

Nice Joke.

 

[Odemori]

The devil said to them "You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3"

He then opened the doors to the three rooms.

Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor.

Room 2 was filled with men standing on the heads, on a cement floor.

Finally, room 3 had just a few men, standing in sh.it up to their knees and drinking coffee.

The men thought for a while, and decided to go with room 3, as it was less crowded and they could drink coffee.

They entered the door to room 3 and just as it was closing behind them, the devil said "OK men, coffee break's over. Back on your heads."

 

[Quantum]

(In this joke pretend there is a bar at the top of the empire state building. )

This guy walks into the bar at the top of the empire state building. He walks over to the bartender and orders a round of liquor. He takes one shot, two shots, three shots, then gets up, gets a running start and jumps out a window.

5 minutes later he walks back into the bar and sits back down.
Well hes been sitting there for a while when a man walks up and strikes up a conversation with him.

The first mans about half lit by this time so he says to the second man "Hey I bet you 20$ I can jump out that window over there and live." The second man replies "There's no way in hell you can live after that your on."

The first man looks at the barkeep and orders another round of liquor. He takes one shot, two shots, three shots, then gets up, gets a running start and jumps out the window.

5 minutes later he's back at the bar. "Whoa how did you do that?! I got to try it."

The second guy orders a round of liquor. Takes one shot, two shots, three shots, and jumps out the window. (He dies)

The bartender looks at the first man and says " Superman your an *******."

 

[kazz]

Social Security
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

 

[swimmer611]

lmao woooowwww that is messed up. good joke :

 

[Wejrelhuqntcg]

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"





:lmao: I bet that messed him all up! :lmao: