in love with a bargirl... big question here

[Jordan K]

I am looking at this in the slightly longer term!!
He says that he wants to set up house with her in Phuket Town, so that would mean leaving her job at the bar and possibly losing out on a lot of money (customers).
As we all know, moving to Thailand is not the easiest thing in the world and (in the long term) getting her moved to Canada, you would know all about!!!
What I am saying is that he expects HER to make a commitment to HIM but HE doesn't seem willing to make a commitment to HER!!

 

[Dendra L]

We all want to believe in the miracle of true love, and for you my friend I hope you find it. Its easy to be a cynic and think the worst but its always nice to hope for the best. Ok now I will put down my Mills & Boom and eat some chocolate. Seriously its a game but that does not mean you cant enjoy yourself and if it does go belly up hopefully you will have some good memories and not have got burnt too badly. I am a hopeless romantic so good luck.

 

[happybunny101]

OMG... we need an update... you are losing this thread to guitar pirates... come back and tell us what tune you are dancing to today....

 

[narsha84]

Just like everyone told you...Take it one step at a time, don't commit yet, but if your having fun dont let your paranoia ruin it for you...Besides shes a Bar girl, don't ask about how many people she slept with :erf:

 

[Jun]

Haven't followed this thread and only read the last couple of pages ....

.... question; is this thread limited to guitars or may other instruments be introduced into the discussion?

:whistle:

 

[pandarifficness]

Of course he never come close to what you are going through.. He isnt that stupid that he puts himself in that situation with a girl, and ask for advice on a public board...

But please continue to tell us about your experiences and whats happening with the girl.. We could all need a good laugh from time to time when So-Cal doesnt post....

 

[ChicJellyfishmisfits]

I live in Canada, and i know a lot of ''plote a cash'' (in english...mmmm... Money pussys??)

I love my mother. But if she knew my father had 0$$ when she decided to go with him, i don't think that she would have go with him.

What i want to say is: everywhere in the world, girls like guys that have money. They want to love the guy but be secure with money.

I respect your opinion and maybe i have tinted rose glasses

The reason why i say this is because, yes maybe she wants a guy with money. But if money is her only interest, why she don't go with a guy that have a lot more money than me? She is so beautiful man its unbelievable... She can take another rich man right now...When she is with me, i don't care, i always deal the thai for the best deals, my room is 500 bahts/night upstairs of a ice cream shop lol and i even told her that i'm not rich.. that she can forget the gucci and prada etc...

Anyway thanks for your opinion. If you have something to add, say it!

 

[peacefuldisaster]

Couldn' agree more. If you care about how menny customers she slept with, how long she's been working etc., then there is onlly one good advice dump her.
But if your cool with it, (and you are not!), have lots of time and monny,
then you can have a good time. If she work in a bar, she will go with the next customer, if she's 19 she not planing to marry, she just wants sponsor.

 

[CindyComesBack]

Typically if shes been working in the bars for a little time and has started to send money home because now she got "big money" from working in the bar. Family pressure to get a new motorbike for dad and 1-2 brothers come along, forcing the girl to send bigger monthly payments all the time.
As an example; I was discussing money matters with a girl recently who is a "stunner" and a big earner, she needs a lot of income to support various investments in said motorbikes and more or she will loose face in her family.

Family and money comes before farang boyfriend and love...

8-15k baht monthly from a regular job plus a boyfriend that "wont support" her financially, wont be cutting it for a "stunner"/big earner in most cases.

 

[tuhreza]

what do you feel ripped off for? You just said you didn't give her any money??!

and I think that’s the smallest truth of all - she said she's been in phuket for 1 month, 19 years old fresh out of korat... how did she learn english so fast? the kind of questions and the kind of answers you were getting sound like they are from someone who understands and speaks pretty decent english for someone from korat. I knew 1 bg who had been in phuket 3 months, 20, from korat, and could only just muster up about 3 different words in english. she wasnt stupid either. You need to know most bgs learn their English from various customers over a prolonged period of time

I feel sorry for the girl having to humor you. I did something similar a few years ago, met a bg when i was a few years younger than you, was absolutely and utterly clueless about the entire situation. Ended up indirectly paying the girl from LB drinks but fvck that wasn’t enough obviously. It wasn’t until I got back and realized what a tragic fool I had been for not finding out what was going on while I was there, and realized that I had in fact short changed a decent girl because of my western perceptions and ideals. Anyway I reconciled when I went back and gave her 10,000 baht straight up which was about right for the time spent previously. I hope you realize your mistake while you are there and reconcile with her before you leave, its better for you if you can.

they are essentially prostitutes, but often they don’t want to feel like one. They are often too shy. It’s something you're just meant to give or arrange before hand. A lot of the girls won’t ask before hand, or ask after, but they will expect payment regardless. and you should give it. how else are they going to survive? going out with the young handsum farang is a good face saver. Like a trophy for them, makes them feel like you choose her over all of the other girls in town (which you did). It probably gives her some cred among the girls, you have to remember how *****y they all are towards each other.
1. she would loose face and 2. the girl is messing with her investment (you) so of course shes gonna be mad.
99% of girls don’t want to live a life where they fvck guys for money on a daily basis. they want out and you may have sounded like a good opportunity for her, i'm sure you tick plenty of boxes. All my opinion by the way don’t be offended, you need to take the opinions at face value and come up with your own resolve – no one is wrong or right but there has been good advice given by everyone thus far. in summary I like to agree with jaybee, as if you dont put yourself on the line sometimes you'll never be happy. and i mean what have you really got to loose?... (that is an actual question by the way, what do you have to loose by moving to LOS for a period of time, job in canada.). or what do you have to gain by moving to phuket town in fact? job etc.. curious now!

 

[Da Cute Dude]

Ya know, I was gonna say exactly the same thing! No, really... ! :whistle:

 

[Teddy Hart & Jack Evans]

Unless I missed something we were not really discussing her motivations, as they are entirely unknown to us. Although I am sure a few cynics will have made their minds up already.

The fact is in the context described, the guy is taking the piss out of the girl. He met her working in a bar, he slept with her on day 1 as is expected in her line of work, and he did not come up with the goods. He then continued to take advaneforum.xxxe of the girl and has so far handed over a paltry 3,000 THB.

He has shown no consideration for the girl's welfare and seems to think taking her out and feeding her, getting her drunk and then nailing her are the end of his obligations.

Yes 4,300 for 2 weeks work is an average salary in Thailand but you are ignoring the line of work she is in i.e shagging complete strangers for money. Although perhaps I am neglecting the fact that after Day 1 she was hopelessly in love and happy to do it for free.

JJ.

 

[DueNov17th2009]

i disagree with you on the money aspect
i have seen many of my wife's friends gladly take money like this to be with a younger guy they like
i really do think the older guys are under the illusion that they are playing on the same level playing field but there are girls that much prefer younger guys out there

and i do think, at times, some of the repsonses by the older guys towards younger guys is motivated by jealously
this girl is not being held captive, can leave anytime she wants

now, i think there will be problems down the road for other reasons(her having to go form hanging out in bar to working/ not really knowing the girl too well and going right into living together) but i have seen plenty of girls go with younger guys for similar money

 

[Bff Mistery!]

ok **** the haters, like i said i'm a newbie and dont know nothing about how much you have to give to a bargirl or blablabla. So people that insult me, **** you!

First, i work on internet and i can do enough money anywhere in the world

second: THATS OVER!

3 days ago, she called me like everynight at 2:30 and tell me she is drunk and want to go to disco. Everytime, she ask me if i want to go with her and sometimes i say yes. But she go like almost everynight and this night i lost 700$ with my job so i was ****ing pissed off. I told her i was sick she go clubbing everynight, and she is always drunk. So she didint go to the club and she felt like verry bad... she apologize like 30 times (obv she was drunk) but i was not rude with her. I just told her i dont want to live this life with a girl who party everynight

Since this night, i felt she was more and more nice with me, always give me kisses, first time she tell me she love me. I felt she didint want to lose me. She payed me dinner 2 times (**** the haters) we were going to see one house but finally it was to late...

So everything was better and better since tonight.

It was 8:30 pm and she go working. Yesterday we went to tiger and i was verry drunk but not her. So i was like a zombie all the day. She ask me, tonight i really want to go to disco, i know you dont like it, but my friends want to go and blabla.. you want to come? the answer was obvious. NO i feel like a zombie (and she knew the answer already.)

So i worked all the night and she called me every hours like usual (and its not me who tell her to call me.. She do it by her own) At 2:30, she calls me again and she is verry verry drunk. I'm like, OK guys buy her a lot of drinks shit! And she ask me, you want to go to tiger? But again she knew the answer.

At 4am, i'v done 1000$ with my job so i was verry happy and felt like a beer and seing her. I messaged her and ask where she is. She wrote me: i'm at hollywood but i go to tiger. So i dressed i went there. I call her 3 times and no answers. I go in the club and dont see her. I go to hollywood and dont see her. **** where is she? I called her and there was loud music but the clubs were now closed. WTF where are you? ''what?'' she says... The music was to loud so she write me, wait at tiger, i'm comming. So i waited 15 minutes and 2 calls 2 text messages with no answer. So i returned to my room ****in pissed off.

She text messaged me when i arrived in my room: ''i'm verry drunk, i go see you soon'' So right after i tryed to call her, but again no answer. WTF ... i wrote her back: ''are you with guys? why you dont answer... call me'' (yeah i know stupid question) So she wrote me back: ''really, don't think that, i go see you soon''.

Was 5:30 am, tryed to call her a last time at 6 but no answer. At 6:30 i wrote her: ''WOW i'm stupid, i thought you like me. Anyway, i had good times with you, bye.''

No answer... So now its 7:50 am, i packed all my things and i check out of my room this morning. I hate patong, but the only reason i stayed here was because of her. Yes i'm one of those stupid farang who felt in love with a BG. Only 2 weeks i was with her, but man, i have a bad feeling in my stomach right now.

If the reason she went with other guys tonight is because i'm ''cheap'' and i dont give her enough money, but she loves me, i think its better for me to forget about thai girls... If the reason is because she dont care about me and was just planning to suck my money out, **** HER!

So now, tomorow i will try to find the most beautiful prostitute in thailand, pay her ****ing 10 000 bahts and **** her all the night to forget the other girl. OBV i wont fall in love now...

 

[Andrea in La la Land]

OMG... where are you? We haven't had an update for a while... we need some more gossip!!! Do you know any older guys? Maybe take your GF to Mai Tai Bar... have a few beers and see what advice comes from the mouths of experience... that way you can at least ask questions. On here, you will get opinions... but most of the time it will be out of context.... and you can't ask a question straight back... plus if the Mai Tai Guys meet your GF, then in the future after you leave... if you have split up with her... (of course) they can at least try and chat her up... so its a win win...

 

[goodheart19512007]

look same same, she actually thought i was the one falang who was going to take her out of her bar girl life.

And why you keep saying i'm the one who is wrong cause i didin't pay her? Did you read my last posts? I was a newbie doing the wrong thing! Yes i know now!

But if you read, i said i will not leave tomorow without giving her money. I text message her i will give her money and leave and she said... no money, your not a customer... Anyway, i take that as a: No money your a long terme customer.

SO YES, I WAS WRONG!!

 

[hcoalltheway]

555555555555:

Heeeeee's Baaack!

 

[gh_alban27]

I would suggest the violin... would be the most suitable instrument... bearing in mind OMG's predicament...

 

[Panda Bear!]

I think this is good advice, except for the part about having her still work in the bar. I know it worked OK for you, Paul, but your situation was different(remember, you still wanted to be a butterfly). She should get a regular job, so they can have a regular life together.

The thing about this board is that we are all different. If I met a girl like that, and she fed me that line, I would know the chances she is lying are 99.9%. Because you, OMG, are 24 years old. I am twice your age, and was not especially good-looking when I was your age.

TGs are in some ways like girls everywhere. They like to find a good-looking young guy to hook up with. Most TGs prefer Thai men, but some of the BGs have had bad experiences with Thai men, and some just realize that they probably can get farther in life with a farang relationship.

When they have only been in the bar 3 weeks, and have only been with 4 men there, that is the right time to take them out of the bar. By the end of the coming high season, she will have a whole different attitude on men, money, and life.

So I say, "Go for it! What have you got to lose?" As for jumping into it with both feet, I think that is the best way to do it when you are young. Then you will get to know her really fast by living with her, and being with her all the time. Also, I think that is the kind of a relationship that TGs want. You will know more about her in 6 months, than you would if you dated a girl in Canada for 3 years, married her, and lived with her for a month.

If it works out, then that is great for both of you. If not, "que sera, sera." Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And this is the time of your life when you can take chances and not worry about losing time and assets.

In my own life, I am a very cynical guy these days. But I still can't help pulling for the romantics out there. Thank God there are a few of them left! :great:

 

[whoever this is]

Here you go, you were right.. read my last update with her to understand