in love with a bargirl... big question here

[Buddhist Objectivist]

Unfortunately, as money holds very important role to have a stable life and the 'secure' feelings that most women are after, it is one of the factors that a woman might consider when choosing her future partner.


Because you are good looking? :^^:
On a more serious note, even if you are 'poor' by western standard, in many South East Asian countries, your living standard will still be considered as high and of rich people's . I am from Indonesia and believe me when I said that I was surprised (delightfully surprised!) that I don't have to wash clothes and plates by hands, I can use microwave to reheat/quickly cook food, there is this awesome gas oven with fan and electric stove, and a giant fridge where I could store fresh ingredients!
Coming from a middle working class family (compared to my cousin's fam, mine is probably the poorest :^^: ), washing machine, microwave, oven+stove, giant fridge = luxury items.

I guess, your girl had seen many western movies where those 'nice' stuff are constantly on show, and she thinks that every westerner is a rich man because of that.

And think about the currency exchange. A holiday in Thailand, Indonesia, Vietnam cost only a small fraction in most western contries' currencies - making you look rich in the locals'eyes.




You are not rich by western standard, but you are rich in Asian standard, especially if you are to be judged by someone coming from the poor regions of Asia.

I am not saying this is bad. I am just trying to describe what an Asian woman from a poor background might think/feel of a western person.

You will have to explain it to her that even if you might look like you had a money tree, tell her that you work very hard for the money that you have and that everything in your country is expensive. Tell her in a simplified language, like "You see that I have money. I earn money, but I have to use much money to buy food in my country, so I only have little left. Food, clothes, and houses are very expensive in my country - that is why they look good on television."
(this may not be the most accurate and correct logic to explain why prices are expensive, but this may be the easiest way to explain it to someone who may not have overseas living experience).

 

[Mr.noitall]

LOLLOLOLOLOL

 

[James B]

I think to call some of the people who tried to help idiots are a bit harsh.You gained valuable insite here and will again in future-maybe from the same guys you call idiots now:intello:

 

[Jessamina]

I think it shows great maturity OMG that you are working out (in US$ or CAN$) dollars owed to your bar girl each night... and keeping a running total? I guess the bit where it went negative for a while was where you thought she may have gone with another customer?

In all seriousness, I think you have grown a great deal over the last couple of weeks... I was like you when I first went to Patong... I didn't have a clue! But I think all of us can see you learning where you have made mistakes and how it takes a bigger man to accept a bar girl for what she is... she may well have had sex with that "friend" of hers.... because she needed the money... but she will not dare admit that to you because she is scared you will end it... she likes you! She needs money! She will sleep with other men... that is her job... but you do seem to be more of an accepting person now... if you want to end it with her because you can't cope with the stress a bar girl brings... then pay her the equivalent of 1000 baht/day... for each day you have been with her... and everyone will be happy. I spent 2 weeks with a girl who said she loved me and wanted to stay with me for free... alas I didn't love her... and I slipped 20,000 baht into her handbag before I left... we still keep in touch 18 months later... and she tells me all her stories... its fun. Make Thailand fun... the stressful stuff can stay at home! Good luck OMG!

 

[brookie1977m]

What is missing in this picture? 55555..... :

 

[ESS-93]

JB, how old were they?
this is a 19 yr old girl that is being told she has to go from partying with her friends to work 6 days a week
you see a good outcome?

 

[Nitika]

But if she is an absolute "Stunner" - Dances the old pole and gets half the "lady drink" price from the 'understanding' bar owner' - She is taking home 66 thousand baht per month (approx)........After deductions for the 4K rent, one to call phone cards and the vets bills for the proverbial sick buffalo up country! Of course!

Alledgedly! Tch!

C'mon, You know it's true!

 

[Liuzhou Laowai]

A little poem that sums it up:-

The poor, the ugly, the lame and the insane in Patong can all get laid,
It’s not about what or who you are, but how much you paid.

The farangs go home and send monthly cash,
So their new-found girlfriends will not mix with the trash.

But the girls still work at their favourite bar,
Enticing new farangs who come from afar.
With offers of sex and the night full of fun,
While her other farangs think that they are the one.

What the farang doesn’t know or understand,
And the Thai girl will never show her hand,
Is that she needs to earn as much cash as she can,
And she can never get enough from only one man.

So the cycle goes on and farangs come and go,
Each with a broken heart because they just didn’t know,
That the girls at the bars are for temporary rent,
Not for the long-term, nor heaven sent.

 

[Delacy]

You're a regular T.S. Eliot there Phil! Or maybe in your case, ST Eliot... h:

 

[RJDm]

spot on point about a common strange view

 

[Boosh]

that's why they are in the bar in the first place.....money...it didn't hurt Condo's long term relationship and sholdn't impact on any one else' if they keep an openmind

if the gals meet and like someone they may not want to charge because they are embarrasssed and see it more as a romance....although the flip side to this is they may b deperate to get out of the bar and see you as the ticket....

only time will tell..so if you re really interested follow LiL's advice and watch and learn whilst having some fun at the same time.....might be a nice idea to offer her some money here and there though....she will need it to live on if you are monopolising her time and working bar is her only income.....

 

[William]

Whats the problem with doing this. I did the very same one night. Found a very good looking girl, I made it clear I did not want boom-boom. Went to Margarita for an hour till the live music finished then off to Tiger for a laugh (I cannot dance). We had a good night and I went back to my room alone.

 

[Its mee]

3000 baht !!! Mate you cant afford to keep this girl. Do her a favour and get rid of her and let her find a guy who is going to properly support her. That is an insult to anyones sensibilities, even hard core mongerer types like me.

You think its love, she thinks she has found a guy who will support her and neither of you is going to get what you want. FFS grow up.

 

[Roflcopter]

OMG!!! You are still with her.... this is when you should be writing on here the most! You can't start a good book and then stop writing mid-way through... we are all a part of your life now... like one big bickering family. But we have your interest at heart... now come on... give us an update... :rules:

 

[intheleast]

Cheers for highlighting this, I also struggled a bit over that part, but didn't know how to address it as nicely as you did ;-)

"You can send a TG back home, which you can't with a Farang girl."

Quite a strange comment....

 

[Des]

My prev. post was about how an Asian person think of a westerner as rich person.
----



You are still very young. 24 years old!
Take it easy. There will be so many other women you'll meet and one of them maybe the one. Do not settle for one whom you had sex with for the last 10 days in a row.From a woman's perspective, most likely it's simply LUST! And with prostitutes, it might have been simply an investment. You put your money in, and see what happens. You have a feeling that this portfolio will give you a positive return in the future :rules: .


h: h: h:
I think, it is pretty clear that it might be what your girl wanted in the first place.

Seems that she invested in the right portfolio, for now :intello:

Listen to other BMs with more experience. Relship with a woman from the same culture is already complex, let alone one from a totally foreign culture, and one who happens to be a prostitute! :

 

[Stanchez]

I agree totally.

And 6 pages of it FFS?

 

[catnipnbones]

Ok maybe your english is not good like me so i can understand. But if not... can you read? If you can read well the post i made, i'ts a compliment that i guy like you say i'm idiot

 

[mda]

And you paid her the usual 1000 baht fee on top of the 500 baht bar fine ??

 

[ms manners]

I think Marc 26 called this one right. She is only 19, very immature, has a lot of energy, and has become used to partying with her girls every night.

Did she do ST or LT? Maybe, but I doubt it. When he called after the discos were closed, she was probably at some Thai joint where the TGs and taxi guys and bartenders go to party after everything closes down. She drank too much, didn't want to leave the party or had someone telling her they would give her a ride, but "after we have just one more drink, OK?" And another and another.

It is kind of like when you first went to college, and got away from your parents for the first time. When the alcohol started to flow, you just didn't want the party to end. I can remember some nights when I completely blacked out, and couldn't remember how I got home, or even what happened the night before. Things spin out of control very easily. Especially with these kids that are out from under their parents' watchful eyes for the first time. Although, truth be told, I have seen some grown-up BMs who are not much different.

Of course, everyone thinks she was out plying her trade. But it doesn't necessarily follow. The thing is when a BF starts calling the shots, and is older, even only 5 years older, suddenly he becomes the authority figure. The parent figure saying, "Why weren't you home on time? What were you up to?" And what can he really expect with her still in the bar?

The fact that he day trades is possibly the killing blow for any possibility of a relationship, since the market hours for the American/Canadian markets are 9:30 PM to 4:00 AM Phuket Time. Those are the hours when a young girl wants to be out partying.

If she could really make the jump from BG to regular job where she worked 6 days a week, then maybe she would not be quite so energetic for partying. But for a girl who sleeps all day, and sits around a bar all evening, she is bound to want to go to the disco after work, and blow off some steam with her mates. Even if she did get a normal job, then her hours would be the opposite of his. But they could still at least party on the weekends.

All in all, there are an awful lot of hurdles to leap in this relationship. I do get the sense that this is a girl who would really rather be in a relationship, and really does not like the prospect of always going with a merry-go-round of different men, and that that part of her is stronger than the part that wants to make the money. But she is probably feeling a lot of stress from his demands, which conflict with pressures from home to send Baht, and is somewhat caught in the middle. It is that kind of pressure that makes a person want to escape the tension. Get a few drinks in her, and she can easily lose control. It's only natural. Working in a bar, where her only income comes from drinking, well, WTF can you expect? She's human, not a superwoman.

I don't read any insidious schemes into this story. It is just nature taking its' course, IMHO. The obstacles, and trials in these two young and somewhat immature peoples' way are, more than likely, more than they will be able to overcome.