British top 20 funniest new Christmas cracker jokes for 2020

[Hahaha]

The TV channel Gold’s eighth annual ranking, which is chosen by a panel chaired by the comedy critic Bruce Dessau, was put to 2,000 UK voters. Check out top 20 jokes.

1. Q: What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song?
A: Driving Home for Christmas

2. Q: Did you hear that production was down at Santa's workshop?
A: Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate!

3. Q: Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem?
A: All Virgin flights were cancelled

4. Q: Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?
A: They have herd immunity

5. Q: Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown?
A: Because the "Arrrr!" rate had risen

6. Q: Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto?
A: Because eventually, it's behind you

7. Q: Why couldn't Mary and Joseph join their work conference call?
A: Because there was no Zoom at the inn

8. Q: Why can't Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute?
A: He doesn't know how many tiers it should have

9. Q: What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner?
A: They put on a super spread

10. Q: Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time?
A: Home Alone

11. Q: How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly?
A: Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail

12. Q: Why won't Santa lose any presents this year?
A: He's downloaded Sack and Trace

13. Q: How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas?
A: It'll take ages to flatten the curve

14. Q: How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year?
A: Fine. No sweat

15. Q: Why wasn't Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials?
A: Because they only wanted guinea pigs

16. Q: Which government scheme supports Christmas dinner?
A: Eat Sprout To Help Out

17. Q: How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year's staff Christmas party?
A: Put him on mute

18. Q: How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited?
A: He keeps a logbook

19. Q: Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas?
A: Marcus Rashford

20. Q: Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem?
A: Because they couldn't book a home delivery

#joke #christmas

Read more on page Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 09 December 2020

 

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