Answering machine

[nina s]

These are some actual messages left by people on their own answering machines to reply to people who call


"My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished."


"A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message."



"Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial-aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money."



"Hi!...Now, you say something."



"Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"



(From a Japanese friend in Toronto)..."He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave *sexy* message, I call sooner!"



"Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. .Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."



"Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.



"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."



"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."



"Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."




"Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."




"If you are a burglar, then we're at home cleaning our weapons and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."




"You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone, you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message."



"Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us."



Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.
Suicide Hotline...please hold.


Hellooo....Hellloooo, well if you won't talk to me maybe you'll talk to this machine, it's at home and I'm not, leave a message and it'll give it to me when I return.

Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.


Hello, this is Susan. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?

Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be





Hi, I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.


This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what and we'll get back you-know-when.


Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.


I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken CD player in its place. It can't take messages either. In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message.

 

[Greedy Pirate]

Hehe, hilarious stuff. :lmao: Worthy mentions -

 

[NidaiRric]

nice one SN!