3 jokes

[xfkjglby]

couldn't come with a better title :bleh:


A man enters his favorite restaurant and sits at his regular table. Looking around, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby, all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks him to send her their most expensive bottle of merlot, knowing that if she accepts it she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and takes it over to the girl saying " This is from the gentleman over there", pointing towards him. She regards the wine coolly for a second and writes a note for the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and seven inches in your pants".

After reading the note, the man composed a reply. He handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read: "For your information - I happen to have a Ferrari Testarossa, a BMW 850iL and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage; plus I have over twenty million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Please, just send the bottle back".


hyeah: hyeah: hyeah:
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A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good- bye mother!' It would make me feel much better."

"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Good-bye mother!" and felt quite good about himself that he did a good deed and made someone feel happy.

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

:bleh: :bleh:

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This is called Confidence!

Hypothetical situation where 20 executives board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature
pilotless technology:

It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system.

Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different
type of excuse.

One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies: "If it's the
same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off....................This is called Confidence!

:lmao::lmao:

 

[Serena G]

1. That remark is Witty as Hell :lmao:

2. PJ :fear:

3. :rofl:

 

[blackshoes]

^^ ditto