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What's a boy to do?

Paddywack

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A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.
"No, they went to town" said the boy.
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" asked the farmer.
"No, he went with Mom and Dad" the boy answered.
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message" said the boy.
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad.
It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".


The boy thought for a moment...


"You would have to talk to Dad about that.


I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig,
but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
 
why do I get an error?

hello, i am fairly new to posting messages and links. can i not post a links to my youtube channel in here? i am posting on a new name, my email got hacked. thanks!
 
Dear Abby: What is the cure for a man that has been married for 33 years and still can't stay away from other women? His Wife


Dear Wife: Rigor mortis
 
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.


"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.


"Who was that?" asked his wife.


"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.


"Did you help him?" she asks.


"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"


"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too.


The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"


"Yes," comes back the answer.


"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.


"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.


"Where are you?" asks the husband.


"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.
 
....when a woman just has to trust her husband.




A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.


"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say "hello"?
 
BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then
insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great
cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on
the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series
of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the
obvious reason, that the ma n had consumed the cigars in the normal
fashion.
The lawyer sued and WON! Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance
company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless,
that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had
warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it
would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered
to be unacceptable "fire" and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather
than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company
accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of
the cigars lost in the "fires".
NOW FOR THE BEST PART...
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case
being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally
burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail
and a $24,000 fine.
This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the
recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
ONLY IN AMERICA
NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK THEY'RE NUTS
 
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".


Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid.


When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."


One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand", I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off.


When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me. He said, "Me too."


Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex..."


My case comes up on Friday...
 
hello, i am fairly new to posting messages and links. can i not post a links to my youtube channel in here? i am posting on a new name, my email got hacked. thanks!

I'm also new so Im not too sure, it might be [ URL="insert link here[ /URLl ](without the spaces), hope it works!
 
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..


Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.


She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.


For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.


Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.


One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.


Two o'clock and no hired hand.




Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.


She quietly called him over to her..


"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.


Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."


He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.


"Now take off my skirt."


He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.


"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
 
SELF EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE.......It takes less than 15 seconds...


If you are over 45 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test
How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?


1. _ _NDOM




2. F_ _K




3. P_N_S




4. PU_S_




5. S_X




6. BOO_S










| | | | | | | | | |
Answers:


1. RANDOM


2. FORK


3. PANTS


4. PULSE


5. SIX


6. BOOKS


You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?




You do NOT have Alzheimer's




You are a Pervert
 
SELF EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE.......It takes less than 15 seconds...


If you are over 45 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test
How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?


1. _ _NDOM




2. F_ _K




3. P_N_S




4. PU_S_




5. S_X




6. BOO_S










| | | | | | | | | |
Answers:


1. RANDOM


2. FORK


3. PANTS


4. PULSE


5. SIX


6. BOOKS


You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?




You do NOT have Alzheimer's




You are a Pervert

Love it:be polite:
 
SELF EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE.......It takes less than 15 seconds...


If you are over 45 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test
How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?


1. _ _NDOM




2. F_ _K




3. P_N_S




4. PU_S_




5. S_X




6. BOO_S










| | | | | | | | | |
Answers:


1. RANDOM


2. FORK


3. PANTS


4. PULSE


5. SIX


6. BOOKS


You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?




You do NOT have Alzheimer's




You are a Pervert

Guilty as charged ;)
 
rofl :) was expecting something else

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.


"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.


"Who was that?" asked his wife.


"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.


"Did you help him?" she asks.


"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"


"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too.


The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"


"Yes," comes back the answer.


"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.


"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.


"Where are you?" asks the husband.


"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.
 
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  28. ASPA:
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  29. HolidaySpa:
    Thursday at 🌴😎🌅𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓲𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓢𝓹𝓪🌅😎🌴3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough ☎️𝟰𝟯𝟳-𝟮𝟰𝟳-𝟭𝟭𝟵𝟵☎️Helen & Jenny. Helen is a sweet and very lovable Asian beauty with just enough curves to tease you, and an attitude to please you. Jenny has a medium build, nicely curved with a slim waist, pretty face, and very flexible skills. Jenny will make you very happy.
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  31. ForeverWarden:
    Thursday at 🫦❤️🔴🟥♾️𝓕𝓞𝓡𝓔𝓥𝓔𝓡 𝓢𝓟𝓐♾️🟥🔴❤️🫦🫦2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough 𝟰𝟭𝟲-𝟴𝟬𝟬-𝟳𝟴𝟴𝟳: Cindy, Sofia & Tracy. Cindy is a slim beauty, 5’4”, natural C Cups & wonderfully long nipples. Her massage is nice, her bbbj will drive you wild & her cfs finish is a dream come true. Sophia is a sweet & pretty Chinese lady with natural B Cups and an awe-inspiring smooth rounded ass.
  32. bumika.vashi:
    (((आपको बिना नाटक या नखरे करने वाला सर्विस चाहे तोह याद करना. ))) If you want Service without Drama or Tantrums, Remember it. Will Try To Give You The Best Possible Sweating Experience With Full Company. TAKE MY WORD.?? Don't Waste Your Time And Money In Some Other Place Where You are Really Upset Loosing Out Both Money And Fun. Ok Try With Our Girls Once Then Your Visit Will Be Regular To Me.... _________________N O T E_________________ If u like my services Please Please Do not forget to
  33. Bellagio Wellness &Spa:
    💗💗💗 ℍ𝔸ℙℙ𝕐 𝕄𝔸𝕐 💗💗💗🌟🌟🌟 MAY 2nd , THURSDAY 🌟🌟🌟 ☎️ (905) 707-6866 🕙🌟🌟🌟Open 10:30-10:00🗺#33-160 East Beaver Creek 🗺 7 Rms 🛏🌟🌟🌟Table Shower(TS)+Massage 2hr $120*,TS & massage 1hr $90, 🌟🌟🌟$40/50/60 for 30/45/60min 🌟🌟🌟Attendants: We have 6️⃣ today 🍀🍀🍀 🌹🆕 TINA 🌹SOPHIE 🌹🆕 SANDY 🌹 🆕 NAT 🌹 ERICA 🌹LUCY 🍀🍀🍀 NEWSFLASH 🍀🍀🍀 🆕 SANDY & 🆕 NAT & SOPHIE & 🆕TINA & ERICA ‘ s BACK 🍀🍀🍀 TODAY 🍀🍀🍀
  34. arhsh:
    Mei Burlington schedule
  35. Lulu1980:
    Hi guys 🤪🤪🤪Phoenix blossom Spa 🌹🌹🌹Jessica sexy body big boobs 😘😘😘very good body slide 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹and Cici very good table shower😘😘😘😘😘 ,Helen Deep Tissue Massage👍👍👍👍5124 Dundas St W Etobicoke ☎️ 416-817-3366
  36. Sparkling Spa:
    HOT YOUNG GIRLS WAITING FOR BLOW YOU AWAY @ SPARKLING SPA ☎️(905) 604-8186 Spa Land Line☎️ ☎️(437) 446-6688 NEW Spa Cell Phone 50 LOCKRIDGE AVE UNIT#8 NO SPA LIKE US ANYWHERE NEAR US
  37. SunriseRH:
    WEDNESDAY at SUNRISE SPA: AMY & MICHELLE. Also NEW Girl Lulu after 2pm. 10 East Wilmot St, Unit 27, Richmond Hill, on ☎️ 647-325-8086 ☎️ AMY is a young Chinese lady, 5’4” and 120Lbs witn 40DD melons. Amy can ensure your total satisfaction. LULU (Starting at 2pm) is a friendly and very sexy Vietnamese girl. She is a lot of fun, and can be wild at times.
  38. Michael0007:
    Suki Spa
  39. Endless Joy Spa:
    ✨✨✨✨✨[GRAND OPENING]✨✨✨✨✨ 💞Endless Joy Spa💞 🎇 (155 East Beaver Creek Rd Unit #8, Richmond Hill) 416-731-8565🎇Slim Sexy Chinese Kiki, Slim Petite Chinese Suki, Tall Slim Sexy Chinese Kelly, Young CBC Rachel
  40. Jenny’s Spa:
    🎉🍒JENNY’S SPA🎉🍒 ✅5170 DUNDAS STREET WEST✅ 👌ETOBICOKE ONTARIO M9A 1C4👌 ☎️(647-893-5196)☎️Call or Text ☎️(437-888-3759)☎️Call Only (ETOBICOKE) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY 🔥✅GRAND OPENING💯NEW GIRLS EVERYDAY🔥EXCELLENT MASSAGE + SERVICE QUEENS NOW AVAILABLE AT JENNY’S SPA FOR ALL YOUR MASSAGE AND SPECIAL EXTRA NEEDS🔥💯😘🔥❤️👌 🔥TWO BEAUTIFUL NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS EVERYDAY🔥REAL PICTURES OF ATTENDANTS💯💯💯 - TODAY’s ROSTER INCLUDES: 🔥 Coco😘- A young cute blonde Asian girl maki
  41. Lulu1980:
    Hi guys 🤪🤪🤪Phoenix blossom Spa 🌹🌹🌹Jessica sexy body big boobs 😘😘😘very good body slide 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹and Cici very good table shower😘😘😘😘😘 ,Helen Deep Tissue Massage👍👍👍👍5124 Dundas St W Etobicoke ☎️ 416-817-3366
  42. Red Rose Spa:
    🌸 We have 9 hot brown girls today 🌸 MALIYA, ASHA, SANA, PAOLA, TRACY, AMANDA, RAVEN, PAYAL PEARL, AAVI, ANGEL 🌸 2588 Birchmount 🌸 2 Invergordon 🌸 647-702-8800 🌸 Please visit for a great erotic massage
  43. Moon&beauty:
    MoonMoon spa/416 887 8801/8131Yonge st #203 Turkish Persian girl and Asian girl today &Good service Cuban girl (Mimi)and Asian girl Yuki in Thursday
  44. Annie Spa:
    🎉🍒ANNIE SPA🎉🍒 ✅7-1001 SANDHURST CIRCLE✅ 👌SCARBOROUGH ON M1V 1Z6👌 ☎️(437) 818-8896☎️ ☎️(416) 291-8879☎️ (FINCH & MCCOWAN) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY 🔥✅NEW MANAGEMENT💯NEW GIRLS🔥🔥 🔥GORGEOUS NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS - TODAY’s ROSTER INCLUDES: 🔥 Mia😍 beautiful young Singapore girl. Mia has a very sexy body, and beautiful busty boobs and golden blonde hair. She can give a very good teasing and relaxing massage with a sensual great playful HAPPY service. So very sexy beautiful gir
  45. bnwellness_wilson:
    Blue Nile Wellness Center, We have 4 young beautiful girls are working today, young sweet student Mia and young cute open mind Yoyo with 36DD , pretty GFE Lina 34DD and sexy Coco are providing deep tissue and sensual massage, pls call 416-3985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome, back entrance and parking available,350 Wilson Ave North York
  46. hiyamickey:
    6 young petite girls working at Reynaella wellness, Address: 3555 14th Ave unit #7 Markham ☎️:905-470-8082
  47. Moneylee:
    All season wellness center : young girl pretty face nice figure Thai deep massage Helen,Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament summer ,Young girl Big breasted saucy naughty Ella , Enchanting sexy petite deep massage Sherry ,address: #5-30 Rambler dr Brampton ,Ontario L6W 1E2☎️4376655510 👅👅🦵🦵🈵🈵👄👄
  48. Moneylee:
    Full season wellness center: New Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Rose,Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Julie ,Young girl Big-breasted big big butts Aris ,Young beautiful face sexy body and good deep massage maggie,Enchanting sexy petite deep massage Mary. 🏠 2560 Shepard ave Mississauga unit 1 ☎️ 4379857899 👄👄🦵🦵🈵🈵👅👅
  49. Dreaminn:
    WEDNESDAY at 💭DREAM INN WELLNESS SPA💭: [ EVELYN, FIONA & LULU. 10225 Yonge St (North of Major Mackenzie), Richmond Hill, ON ☎️ 647-829-2983 ☎️ EVELYN is💫A True Spinner!💫 with a beautiful face and tiny tiny body. A rare gem, 5’1” & only 95 pounds! She will rock your spinner lover’s world with her gfe services. FIONA is a slim, very beautiful and accommodating Chinese lady,5’7"
  50. Endless Joy Spa:
    ✨✨✨✨✨[GRAND OPENING]✨✨✨✨✨ 💞Endless Joy Spa💞 🎇 (155 East Beaver Creek Rd Unit #8, Richmond Hill) 416-731-8565🎇Slim Sexy Chinese Kiki, Slim Petite Chinese Suki, Tall Slim Sexy Chinese Kelly
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