massage and gambling addiction :-(

[Cat]

I was curious if I can gather any advice from people here. I've put in several reviews in the past from multiple spas...though i suppose not commonly enough.

I am a professional with a huge line of credit, and an income only inthe 50K range. Yet i am plagued. I spend 240 a month on spas alone...and recently was introduced to gambling. I was even today on online gambling...and before I knew it...had lost over one thousand dollars (within minutes - doing a stupid doubling routien on rouelette). I have never felt so useless and down in my life because of this.

I can ill afford to lose this money...YETthe compulsion is so strong to win back my losses...or go to MPs. I'm on the way to financial ruin it would seem.

Any advice? I can't talk about this with family or friends...I suppose the massageplanet.net family is who I can count on a little bit for some comfort at least. Thanks...

 

[Andre]

Please do not gamble.....It's the second worse addiction you could possibly have (1st in my opinion is drugs)... I used to have a gambling problem also.... I first stepped into the casino at the age of 19.... At first, it was fun.... then it gets worse....I was losing thousands and thousand of dollars.... I skipped school, I used my tuitions to gamble.... I was stealing from family, and I kept going.......I go to casino 5 times a week....Yes, its not fun losing money but no one can force you to gamble.....Just do something else if you have spare time....Playing golf, video games, anything except gambling....find something that would occupy your time....Fermat, please don't get involve with gambling....Please don't do it...

 

[Pompal 09.]

PM me...

 

[Pompal 09.]

ok, there's good news.....you have a problem....and you know it.

That is always a good start.

Let's address the issue one at a time...the gambling sounds like it's the new thing - my advise - Stop! It's early enough for you to fix this. Find a Mental Health professional, a support group, anything. Consult Gamblers Anonymous and settle this. This addiction can be worse, much worse than the aforementioned problem.

As far as the spa problem....it's a hobby - control it. Set a budget, do something to keep track and control of your spending. It's much harder to do that with gambling, specially on line.

Fermat, get professional help before it gets out of hand. Try to find someone to discuss this with...you may need to vent to someone face to face.

 

[callmejohn]

I usually don't chime in with "me to" comments. But I really agree with healer. This isn't something that you fix on your own, in isolation.

As healer said, you have made a start, you have reached out for help. Please find a therapist or some professional (medical/mental health that is...) to talk to. Gamblers Anonymous is an excellent option. There are meetings every day, all over the place and the people there are usually quite nice and are non-judgemental and supportive.

Spending money on a therapist and time at GA is an excellent investment in yourself...you can grow as a person in many ways.

Good luck!

 

[Lotus]

Fermat;

Get help, professional help, for your gambling before it becomes more of a problem. There is NO SHAME in seeking help. In fact, you show COURAGE when you seek help. Talk to your physician, or go to a walk-in doctors' office to get info and referrals.

I feel for you, because I have known many who have suffered losses and gone through similar problems and even more severe ones. Stop it now, before you lose a lot more. THINK POSITIVE!

If you can, get support from your closest friends, as they are there for you. Just talking about it is a great step forward! And naturally, don't be afraid to PM those who you think can help with talking it out.

shakenbake

 

[clueless??]

Fermat:

I can relate to your gambling addiction. Although I have a substantial income, I have probably lost well over $200,000 in the past 2 years. No one likes to lose, and that is what the casinos count on.

Stopping any addiction cold turkey without third party help is tough........but it can be done.

Rarely do casinos go out of business (Aladdin excluded) and even our governments can't keep away......except they are on the profitable side of the equation.

Just remember, you only have a gambling problem when your losing, never when you winning, but eventually........................

 

[mamacedar]

With all due respect buzzard, I beg to differ. Winning or losing, it still is a problem.

 

[daxica]

Hi Fermat.

First, I would like to congratulate you for voicing your concerns here on massageplanet.net. It takes a lot of courage to admit to a potential problem like this.

I had a similar problem in the past. I had to set hard rules to my gambling.

1. go to the casino with nothing else but the cash that I don't mind loosing (10% of my earnings) and a DL. It's the bank cards, credit cards and any other cash value items that cause the trouble.
2. limit my visits to 2 visits per month.
3. don't keep a running total of your wins and losses. each visit is what it is.
4. don't advertise your winnings.
5. limit your winnings. double the pot is good enough for me.
6. don't go with more than 1 buddy. make sure that he is someone that is in control.
7. if you have more than 2 trips where you lose, take a month's rest to break the cycle.
8. if you have a hugh win, take a month's break

If you find that you are breaking these rules, get help. I think you'll find that once you get this resolved, your MP addiction will get resolved as well.

Everything in moderation is good. Anything excessive and out of control just takes away from the fun.

I wish you all the luck in resolving this potential problem.

 

[Calamitty]

My comments echo hasablah's, healer's and ShakenBake's almost word for word. I'm just adding my reply because I know it's really difficult to decide to get therapy or GA help. Many people have difficulty taking the first step to do it, and hopefully, the more people you hear from that support you getting this type of help (even if it is a redundant post), the more comfortable you will be in receiving it.

You yourself recognize the financial issues that these two addictions will cause you. That's really the definition of an addiction - doing something to the point where it is detremental to you in some way.

 

[lilbusybee]

Your advice is ok for people that do not have a problem and he has admitted he has.

MY advice stay away , like drugs once is not enough.

Please stay away find something else , fish , tennis anything it's more powerful than you.

 

[CurlyQ]

Hi boo boo.

His post didn't sound like he was admitting to an addiction but a fear of it becoming an addiction. He sounded like he was looking for ways to control what he was doing.

I guess from the scale of his salary and the large line of credit and the fact that he only spent $240 last month on MPs as well as a few Gs on gambling I got the wrong idea.

I personally spend much more than that on MPs as well as gambling, but I don't do it to the point that I can't afford it.

Fermat, if this is a full blown addiction, go with booboo's advice and ignore what I said before. Like I said, it's not fun anymore when it gets out of control.

 

[Tian]

Mr. Fermat,

I have known many people, including family and friends, who have struggled with a gambling problem. In my experience, the only ones who were able to stop were the ones who were able to do the following:

Learn (or re-learn), and accept, the math. And I mean REALLY learn it. Go back to high school notes, search on the internet, even pay a high school tutor to refresh you, if possible. It is all about probablility, and you MUST understand how that works... specifically, that you CANNOT win, and the more you gamble, the more you guarantee this. Once you truly realise that you CANNOT win, regardless of what you do... and that this is as much an undeniable fact as 2 + 2 = 4... I've been told the games are no longer "exciting".


Several people I know have said that they understand this, and that they just do it for "entertainment"... but when you listen to them talk about their "strategies" and so forth, they show that they do not really believe that they CANNOT win.


You would surely do well to follow the advice others have given here (support, hobbies, etc.), but I would highly recommend that, if nothing else, you do at least this....


Good luck and best regards,

F.

 

[Pompal 09.]

I would like to thank everyone for their 2 cents. It truly has made me feel better, and realize I'm not alone.

Yes, I'm still in the dumps and still have this compulsion to gamble (and go to MPs looking for some sort of intimacy i'm lacking in real life). But i haven't gambled today, and I'm trying to keep it under control.

 

[Renee P]

Cut the gambling. As far as MP's, don't gamble (take any chances) there either- stick with Shirley @ Chang's...always a winner.

MM

 

[spider367]

EXACTLY!!!!

Once you REALLY recognize that the armoured trucks go in EMPTY and come out FULL... the excitement should soon turn to feelings of pity for the blissfully ignorant.

I love these people who also say it is about "entertainment".

I say...Bullshit!

Set up a kiddie casino and play without any money and see how exciting it is.

Another crowd goes to the Casino deluding themselves as if they
are going with James Bond to Monte Carlo! You can usually recognize them chainsmoking in their tracksuits!

 

[Searcher 5.0]

If you are borrowing to gamble you need to seek professional help soon. I have spent days on end in casinos going up thousands and down thousands and I can tell you from personal experience that the "I'll win it back on this next hand or next spin" train of thought is a total hoax. Many of my friends tell me that I'm an addict to gambling (I probably am) but even I'll tell you it's not worth borrowing money to gamble. Before you go gambling, ask yourself if you are comfortable with basically throwing away however much money it is you are planning to gamble. If you're content with that thought (and can afford it), then go ahead and do it, otherwise, don't do it at all.

P.S. Go cancel your line of credit. That's step #1. At least until you can manage it responsibly.

 

[Holt]

I think the term commonly used by therapists and doctors
treating addictions such as gambling, drugs, sex etc..
is called an "addictive personality". Any of the above
addictions used for gratification is done to excess and will
always be done to excess no matter how many "rules"
you install. Once "rules" for control are used ie: "I will only gamble when I get paid", "I will not use the bank machine"
"I will only get high on weekends" etc. it is said that you
already have begun on the path to addiction.

When terminating a bad habit, try to install a good
habit, (yin & yang) to offset the changes you are
incorporating.

 

[BestForumTeam]

These folks are pretty good at helping...plus the web site has lots of other internet leads. Owning the problem, which you are doing, is an important first step. Like many others have said, it is damn near impossible to do it on your own....take the help that is available. Good luck.

http://www.bellwood.ca/home.htm

 

[Day-nuh]

If I may put in my 2 cents. Fremat, go get help like today before the snowball effect starts. I have seen people went for help only after they were tens of thousands $ in debt. Then the interest itself became an issue. Then they felt stressed every moment and start other escapist addictions like drugs and booze. Before they knew it they were a wretch. It will take years to recover, so go get help like now...